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Posts Tagged ‘faith’

As I sit here in this beautiful Bed & Breakfast called Main Street Inn in Tarboro, NC, my heart is struggling. I’m struggling tonight. There, I said it. My tears are flowing and my emotions are running wild.

Hello – It’s been a long while since I posted here. My name is Jordan. I am a lot of things in life…a friend, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a grand daughter, a lover of life, a doggy mom, etc. Yes, a lot of things.

I’m visiting friends in Tarboro, NC where they are currently running an inn – just for the time being. They recently moved from Charlotte and ended up making a move to a small town in one of the most (if not, the most) poor counties in North Carolina. There are tree lined streets and beautiful historic homes on one side of town, yet on the other side, there are people who are financially burdened. In the middle of this town is a beautiful historic 7,000 square foot home which has been restored to welcome visitors from all over the nation. The vast ceilings and classic hardwood floors lead to open bedrooms with plush fabrics and beautiful marble bathrooms perfectly dressed for any weary traveler looking to escape the busyness of life.

I’m am spending my second night with these sweet friends of mine. Newlyweds, I might add. They have been married for a little over a year and are incredibly precious. My friend, “S”, and I met at work. She is a committed follow of Jesus Christ. One who sticks to her word, studies daily, and speaks wisdom. She is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. One that I look up to and ask her for advice and words of wisdom regularly. Something that I love the most about her is that she speaks of her husband with such respect, love and adoration. She hangs on his every word, trusts him with her whole heart, mind, body, and spirit, and will follow where ever he leads. Her husband, “B”, on the same token speaks of how he loves how his wife smells, what she wears, how she looks, dresses, and acts with the same love and affection. Yes, they are newly weds, but he and she realize how lucky they are to have one another and how blessed they are to have God at the center of that relationship. They both pursue Him first and each other second. Watching gaze into each other’s eyes is heartwarming, listening to them laugh and goof off gives me hope. Hope for my own future.

As mentioned above, I am many things. One of those many things is single. I know, I’m not the only one. In fact, I’m one of thousands…no, millions…of people who are also single.

It’s tough being single. Yes, I know marriage is tough, but it’s a different kind of tough. It’s being tough together. It’s going through life with your best friend by your side knowing that even if he/she doesn’t like you today, he/she will love you for always and will always be on your team, no matter what. Being single is tough because no matter how many friends you have or how supportive your family is, there isn’t that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and twice on Sunday type of support, love, commitment, and walk. I know my family would drop everything to help me out. I know they love me more than I will every know or understand until I have children of my own one day, but it’s a different kind of love. There is no denying that.

As a single woman, I’m not waiting to live until I meet the man God has designed for me to meet and marry, but I do yearn for that relationship. It’s something I pray for every day. As I watch my friends love one another so well, I’m so happy that they are so perfectly in love in God’s grace, but I also yearn to have that same love. To feel wholly complimented by another person – notice I didn’t say completed. God completed me – someone I can be 100% myself with and he loves me anyway. Someone who I can tell stories with of our experiences with one another, someone to have the adventure of life with and someone to grow in my faith with. Isn’t that what we all want?

So, even though it may be a challenge to find that person and the tears may be flowing. Pray. Stay faithful to who you are and what you want. There is no beauty in settling.

Come on, we will stay faithful together.

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Whispering

Do you ever feel like time is just passing you by? Like your life is on the big screen at a movie theater and you are sitting in the audience watching your daily interactions. Do you ever think, “Wow, that was a good move!,” or maybe, “Eww, that was not cool. Better try harder next time.” Sometimes I stop and take a look back at my life and say, “Man, I got really pissed over nothing. I wish that I hadn’t said that.”

Some days, I feel like I have more control than others.

Control over my emotions. Control over my tongue. Control over my destiny.

Or do I?

After much encouragement by my father, I have begun to try to do a daily devotional. Well, ultimately it is supposed to be a daily devotional, but at this point, it is really more of an every two to three day devotional. I have gotten so out of the practice of sitting down and spending time with God.

I’m trying to get better Dad, really.

Maybe once I get better at doing a regular devotional (preferably daily), I will have more clarity on what comes “next.”

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

I was reading a daily devotional today. I usually just go online and search “daily devotional” and whatever pops up and looks interesting, I click on it, read it, think about it, compare the scripture to my Bible, and then write something. Anything, really.

Ironically, today’s devotional hit the nail on the proverbial head. The passage comes from James 1:19-21 and it reads, “19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

Yep. So, this takes me back to my previous statement of wanting to be able to rewind the day, tap myself on the shoulder and say, “uh, uh, uh…Do you really want to say that?” and if I still choose not to listen, a punch might suffice.

I need daily reminding of biting my tongue and being a listener first. I think this an excellent reminder for me because it I can quiet all of the noise, chatter, and distractions going on in my brain and shut up to listen sometimes, I might be able to hear God’s whispers. You know, sometimes He whispers, and sometimes He roars. This passage was a ROAR to me. I needed to shut up and listen to the whispers He is breathing into my ears and the hopes, dreams, and sacrifices he is laying on my heart.

When was the last time you let go of the control and listened to the whispers from God?

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